Perception... Subjective?

Today's meeting didn't go as I expected it to go. It wasn't bad nor was it good. It just was. I got to hear the feedback from a class almost four weeks ago. It was interesting to get someone else's perspective. Two people can be in the same place but experiencing it totally opposite of each other.

The part that amazed me was the perception that I may not be strong in mutli-tasking. How will I perform with things coming at me from all sides. I guess they've never worked for Cindy Kiser-Murphey! You can't find a job that's got you going in all kinds of directions at the same time. I would also work for Cindy any given day. I value the time I got to work with her and learn from someone who's an expert in her field.

I get to for the next month focus on being a better leader within my work group. I get to focus on who people are receiving feedback from me. I get to work on developing the new people within our department. At the end of November I will be observed once again by Ondra to achieve the distinction of Master Trainer.

How Many Lives Have I Impacted?

Tonight I got the chance to see how many classes I've taught and how many lives I've touched. As of October 20th I have trained 66 workshops. I have had 1,500 participants pass through my workshops. I've trained a total of 1,782 hours, the equivalent to 198 days. Looking at the number of people I've trained I could fill this gymnasium or stadium

I love my work and hope it continues for many years to come. I know I make an impact on people and their lives. I hopefully inspire many to reach for new heights in the personal and professional lives. I hope I impact the quality time they spend with their loved ones. I hope I positively influence their communication with other people. I most of all hope I impress on them how fragile life really is and to make the most of each moment and never let people wonder what they mean to them.

Tomorrow morning I will have a meeting with my director and one of the consultants from Guardian Quest. I will hopefully get some clarification as to why the "master" trainer status wasn't given a few weeks ago. I am going into this meeting with a great frame of mind. I know I am here in this position by my choice and no one else's. I know I don't need anyone's approval to know what I'm capable of, or what I've been doing for the past couple months from the "co-pilots" chair.

What A Great Feeling

Today was another day that threw me for a loop. I received a call today regarding a career opportunity that I seriously get to consider. It is a great feeling when someone calls look for you instead of being the other way around. The greatest conflict is when you love what you do, what would it take for me to leave it behind? I want the workshop to continue on changing lives so how do I ensure the quality and integrity continues on even if I don't.

I love having incredible opportunities, but it's like which road do I take? Do I take the path less traveled? Do I leave when the bases are loaded and it's the bottom of the 9th? Although it could be the bottom of the 9th and I strike out. There are a lot of changes going on throughout our organization. There is opportunity in the midst of adversity, so which do I choose?

I guess it's better to have opportunities and have to chose, then to have the opposite. It's better to be prepared for the opportunity and not have one, than have one and not be prepared.

Mis-Interpretations

It amazes me how someone can look at another and determine what the person is feeling or thinking. The chances of it being on target are huge. It also amazes me how people take these interpretations and turn them into reality.

We take someone facial expressions, tones, body posture or body language and put interpretations with it. We can tell when someone is pissed off, sad, happy, scheming, whatever it may be. We then create the stories around those observations and act as if their real. We really take other people's power away when we've already determined what "they" have going on or what "they" are experiencing when it may not be anywhere close to what their reality actually is.

I've found recently it's better to stay out of interpretation. It's better for me to ask what someone is experiencing than deciding what it is for them. My goal for myself is to not put meaning on someone else's behaviors or actions unless I've asked or they've told me specifically.

Sex The Naked Truth

Today was the day I was looking forward to for the past few weeks. My Church started a new series this weekend called "Sex, The Naked Truth". Our pastor said some churches don't want to discuss it at all but he disagrees since it's in the Bible, God created it and it's all around us in almost everything throughout our society.

70% of Television programming has sex in it. 11 years old is the average age a child sees their first porn. The sex industry makes billions each year. Basically sex is everywhere. Think of all the thoughts that come to mind when we think about sex. Think of all the songs throughout time that have sexual undertones. The Beatles had "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" to George Michael "I Want Your Sex" to Britney Spears "Give Me More" I wonder how long the song list would get if we put together all the songs that have sex in them.

Great sex comes from a great relationship not the other way around. Great sex doesn't create a great relationship and studies have shown that a relationship built on sex only lasts for about five years. It also makes it harder to get out of the relationship if it's all based on sex. People wonder why their lonely or not in a solid, empowering relationship, it's because they haven't taken the time to get to know the other person on an emotional level first.

The greatest learning the pastor gave us today was Men are like microwaves and women like crock pots. Women complain men aren't fulfilling them emotionally while men complain women aren't fulfilling them physically. Makes me wonder if that's not the reason some men stray or experiment in bisexuality?

What A Week

Getting ready to end the second class of the week tomorrow evening. It's been an amazing week starting with a Bellagio class that definitely made an impression. Then started a City Center class on Thursday and their proving to be on fire as well. I'm worn out, but feel great if that makes sense.

I ended the evening tonight at Bellagio speaking with someone about my work. We're getting ready to do open auditions a week from today and hoping to get some great people. While we were meeting I got a call from a friend so he came an joined us. I ended up sitting talking with him about his girl problems and had a couple drinks. While we were sitting there other Diversity Champions were walking by and joined us.

When we were leaving I saw even more people I've trained. It's an amazing feeling when I look around at all the people I've had the incredible fortune of meeting. I'm even more amazed at how many people I've had the opportunity of touching in some small way. Thank God for my life, my career and those I love.

Self Righteousness

What is the payoff? What is the cost? Is it worth it?

I’ve had some incredible lessons in self righteousness the past few weeks. What is the payoff? I get to be right. I don’t have to listen to someone else’s point of view. I don’t have to listen because I’ve already got it all figured out. My view is the ONLY view and the ONLY correct version. There are plenty of payoffs. It feels great when I’m right. It doesn’t feel so good when I’m not right. Wouldn’t I rather feel good than bad? When I’m right the payoff is I’ve created a “win” for myself

What are the costs? It costs me friendships and relationships in my life. It costs me the power of communication. When I choose to stay in my self righteousness I close off all communication, there’s no room for it. It costs me growth since I’m not open to a possible new perspective. It costs me stress since I can see the frustration in the other person attempting to get through to me. It costs me credibility with people around me. It costs me trustworthiness from other people. It costs me giant set backs in nurturing powerful relationships with others.

Is the payoff worth the cost? Looking long term I believe it’s not since the payoff is temporary in that moment but the costs will last a lot longer if not forever. Is it really worth being right if it costs me much more in the long run? I’ve personally learned the payoff isn’t worth the costs.
Saying all this, it has allowed me to recognize quickly in other people when I’m bumping up against it. It also amazes me when people choose the payoff over the cost. I have gotten much better at walking away when I recognize this going on since no communication is going to move someone until their ready to be open. It totally comes down to choice, which is more important being right or being open.

What Do I Have Control Over?

We all share this planet traveling our own journey of life. I have my own unique perspective and experiences as I’ve traveled this journey. Although someone may have had similar experiences their still unique to me and to the other people experiencing it. I’m the only one that feels my feelings; no one else can feel them for me. I can’t feel yours or anyone else’s feeling. I can sympathize and empathize but no matter how hard I try I can’t feel your exact feelings.

How many times have I tried to get someone to feel like me? How many times have I tried to influence someone else’s feelings? How many times have I gotten frustrated when someone doesn’t feel my same feelings? I’ve put countless hours into something I have no control over. I only have control over my feelings and no one else’s.

It was freeing when I realized that no matter what someone says or does, I have control over my feelings about it. I have to give someone permission to hurt my feelings and I choose not to let that happen. It’s a great feeling when I recognize what I am letting upset, frustrate, annoy or piss me off quickly and moving past it.

I still have a long journey to travel and a ton more to learn. I believe you don’t quit learning until the day you die. A challenge a lot of people have I believe is getting past the ego and truly opening up to what the possibilities are in any situation.

Closing One Week, Opening Another

Sitting here Sunday night closing a week of emotional stress, great learning and physical exhaustion. Contemplating the week ahead of back to back classes taking me through Saturday evening. We’re training three new trainers and tomorrow morning will be one of their first time in front of the class. Their also having me act as the master trainer of the class I guess to evaluate me again to see if I have what it takes to step into that roll.

I have mixed emotions about taking on that role. At this point I’m so disillusioned by the whole thing that I really don’t care to ever have that title. I know I have the qualities and abilities and have been doing it behind the scenes where I don’t mind leading from. One great thing I’ve learned is that titles truly don’t mean anything to me. I don’t have an ego about the title since it doesn’t make me any better or any worse than I already am.

I’m looking forward to starting the Bellagio class with their new President Randy Morton. Randy has been a big supporter of our workshops with Monte Carlo so I’m excited to see what he’ll do at Bellagio. Randy is a great leader and totally deserves this newest appointment back at the resort I first met him when he was the Vice President of Hotel Operations under Bobby Baldwin the President of Bellagio at the time.

The Way We SEE The World

It's amazing the way everyone sees the world in so many different ways. We all have our belief systems that dictate how we're hearing, seeing, feeling, experiencing someone or something. I’ve spent a lifetime putting together my belief system and had input from hundreds if not thousands of people.

I’ve found that it is better to test my belief system than hold onto it, protect it or even justify it. I never thought I would become an avid learner of life. It fascinates me why people do the things they do. It’s also amazing how many people don’t have the same desire. I’ve seen people who get comfortable right where they are. People who have it all figured out. People who don’t want to get out of their comfort zone or even expand it. My father is one of these people. You can imagine how interesting the relationship is when I’m the way I am and he’s the way he is. I love my father, but as my mother said on the phone recently, she loves him but doesn’t understand him.

I have learned it’s better sometimes to just “meet people where they are” as I posted about last week. I am not here to change anyone, it’s their choice. I’m not here to judge anyone, I personally feel that sits with God and God only. I’m here to pass on wisdom and assist in shifting paradigms if someone is open to it.

Relationships

Life is always throwing amazing relationships in my direction. I have been blessed to meet amazing people, work with amazing people and be in the presence of amazing people. I had lunch today with one of those amazing people from Choice Center. Corrine Clement who was my coach through part of Leadership even brought my (PSP) Personal Strategic Plan with her to review. Even though I chose to step out for work reasons and to focus 100% on the new trainers, she hadn't sold out on me.

We had a good laugh about my PSP when the first question was about relationship and if I'd had any dates. I told her about the date I had over the weekend that was from hell. Cost me a pretty penny for a lot of nothing. I don't regret the date, it just showed me other areas to look at in my life and how I show up.

I told Corrine I am good right where I'm at being single. I'm happy with myself and where I am in life. I don't need a relationship to define who I am. When the right one comes along it will happen naturally. If it never comes along I'm fine with that as well. My sister said a long time ago that she's fearful I'll die alone. I can say that won't happen because I have an incredible family and incredible friends.

It's also amazed me about my relationship with my director. We have come 180 degrees from where we were and I believe we both realize the stimuli and circumstances around what created some of that rock and sordid past. I support her and want to see her succeed at MGM MIRAGE. We have the ability to give each other feedback and be able to receive it, look at it, examine it and grow from it.

It Is About Honoring My Opponent

How often do I honor those around me? How often do I honor my opponents? How often do I honor myself? Honor is extremely important since we tie our respect, integrity and honesty to it.

The samurai warrior knew about honoring their opponents. Anytime you’re challenged by an opponent, you are being given the opportunity to practice your craft. It’s about honoring your opponent recognizing that no matter the outcome, I’ve been given an opportunity by them to learn more about myself and practice becoming better.

I was blessed today with such a situation that offered me the opportunity to take a deep look into myself. I was challenged in many realms of my being and my abilities. I was able to get a perspective about perceptions of our workshop from their experience. It’s not about right or wrong, but just simply what is.

I was amazed at my ability to get the spot out quickly as I posted about earlier this week. I could have held onto the feedback I received or gotten stressed that someone wasn’t open to me or trusting me. The power was really in looking at what happened, examining it and letting it go quickly.

When someone challenges me, what is my response? Am I open to the feedback? Am I willing to be wrong? Am I in the right space to receive the feedback without getting defensive? Is my investment in the need of being right? Am I working at creating a Win/Lose or am I looking for a Win/Win or No Deal?

I will continue to honor my opponents and thank God for them to enable me to become better not just as a facilitator but as a human being.

Meet People Where They Are...

We all travel on this journey called life, experiencing it differently yet the same. Some of us become numb to the twists and turns life takes. While others take it on with all their might. Some of us find life exhilarating and love the challenges and changes it offers us.

It amazes me how I think I’m unique and different from everyone else around me. What I realize is how we’re all connected and not different at all, yes it’s like saying I’m separate from you. When I share life experiences, I find more and more people who have had similar experiences. How weird it is that we don’t share those experiences more. There is great learning and insight not mentioning the support someone else shares by having similar experiences.

I don’t know if it is ego or pride that gets in our way that we close up and don’t let people see what’s truly going on. We hide behind our stories we make up in order to keep good face with those closest to us. Amazing thing is most of those closest to us can tell something else is going on or something is happening at a much deeper level.

Why can’t we confront reality more easily? Why won’t we be up front and honest about what we’re experiencing from someone else? What is our fear, that someone will see something not so flattering about ourselves and they’ll judge us or not love us as much?

It’s really about meeting people where they are. I’m not here to judge. I don’t care what’s happened to someone in the past. I don’t care where someone is on the road of life. We all have to take our own journey, no one can do it for us.
The greatest learning comes out when people are honest and upfront. How can I improve myself unless someone cares enough about me to give valuable feedback to areas I can improve. I thank all my friends that have assisted me in growing and taking a deeper look into what their experiencing of me.

Tie A Knot And Keep Going

There are days when I just feel like I'm at the end of my rope and don't wish to continue. Today was one of those days when I just felt like what's it all worth. I didn't get the "Master" status and yet it really didn't mean anything to me either. This morning all I could say was who cares? I don't care and don't need a title that tells me what I'm capable of or not capable of.

The way I relate to people is now coming into question since a co-worker decided to have an attitude from the start on Monday morning. I was asked if this attitude is just with me. I replied no, it goes on in a lot of classes with all trainers. I guess this time it just bit me in the ass. It showed me just how the little stuff I tend to ignore or try to smooth over without taking action on will come back to haunt me.

It's just another day where I tie a knot in the end of my rope and hang on for another day. I thank God I don't get my value from other people or their approvals of me.

Get The Stain Out Quick

It amazes me what people will get upset, hurt, pissed off about. If we could just stand back and look at ourselves we may be able to get past things a lot faster. I've started realizing just how small things actually are and why I shouldn't let myself get ruffled by any of them.

I recently heard Joel Osteen talking about how we'll get upset about something and let it into our being. We hold on to those feelings that don't really serve us well refusing to let them go. It's like having a spot in the carpet and getting out the carpet cleaner to get the stain out. The instructions say to get it while it's still wet. That's just the same as getting the small stuff, the problems out of us as soon as possible. If we allow the stain to dry, it gets harder and harder to get out. You've got to get it while it's still wet.

If something isn't serving me well, then why should I hang on to it more than a couple seconds. It's amazing when I started recognizing this and the power it's given back to me. I recognize when I have a new stain from something. When someone wrongs me, I get the stain out as soon as possible. Let it go immediately. You'll be amazed at just how much power you gain when you practice getting it out quick.

Confronting Reality

Why is it so hard to confront reality with people around us? We tend to sweep things under the rug a lot. We're afraid of confrontation with other people, why? Are we afraid their not going to like us? Are we afraid they might judge us? Are we afraid they will win and we won't? What keeps us from just confronting reality with people?

There is great learning and growth when we're honest with people around us. It's a two way street, when people are honest back with us as well. How can we change our behaviors if no one lets us know how their being perceived? I personally want someone to be up front and honest with me. I want to continue my growth and becoming the best I can possibly be.

I'm finding not everyone feels the same. Some I've come across want to stay in the comfort zone and just keep the status quo. Some are more concerned about being politically correct. Tell me how much we grow when we're editing and covering up our thoughts and feelings. People want to know why they have problems in their relationships, marriages, working relationships it's because the majority don't want to confront the realities, learn from them and move past them. Think of all the energy we us in suppressing our thoughts and feelings. I've also learned a lot of time people don't even know how their coming across because no one will have the courage to say hey let me share with you what my experience of you are.

Personally for me I will continue confronting reality and walking the walk of integrity.

Switching Gears

Today was my first day being looked at for Master Trainer status. It's about managing the entire class room setting with excellence. I received good feedback about areas to look at and keep in mind as I go through the workshop.

I am having to switch gears from being an assistant trainer to a master trainer with slightly different focuses and responsibilities. One gear that is going to take some practice is not getting into all the logistics of the workshop. It's about delegating it to the assistant trainer, which in this class is the person who has trained me. Talk about a paradigm shift for me, managing someone who has been managing me the past year during my learning curve.

This happens everyday in Corporate America where roles get reversed and you're now managing people who use to manage you. Someone gave me great advice recently, they said don't step on the toes today that are connected to the ass you'll be kissing tomorrow. I've seen this first hand in the banking industry. Especially in the age of acquisitions and mergers. People would leave one bank and burn the bridge doing it. The next thing they know the new bank they went to work for is being bought by their previous bank. I've witnessed people finding themselves back reporting to the person they burnt the bridge with in the past.

The next two days I'll be focusing on delegating and managing from a higher level. Leaders lead, they don't manage. Manager's manage the processes and people in the processes. I'm looking forward to going to the next level and practicing a new era of leadership in my professional and personal life.