How You Show Up Can Make All The Difference

I discovered this weekend the power of showing up or not showing up in the game of life. I also found that when I show up other people show up as well.

The greatest learning this weekend came from Lamont an incredible guy I met in April of 2006 just two nights before moving back to Las Vegas for the second time. Unfortunately I didn’t get to realize just how incredible he was until this past weekend 1 ½ years later.

I have lived behind fear this entire time and look at all the time I wasted. All the stories and shit I created in my mind about how the second time I would meet him would be. It is another example of me taking away someone else’s power to choose their response because I’ve already determined how they will react.

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason even though we may not realize what the reason is until much later or possibly never.

Last November when I was visiting Atlanta for Thanksgiving I saw Lamont (pictured on the left, Joe's on the right) at a club. I knew who he was and walked right by him. I stood across the bar from him, admiring him but way too nervous to approach him. The next day I called him on the phone, mainly because it was safe. He wasn’t sure he was going to make it out the remainder of that weekend. I was all right with it, because my fear of his reaction to seeing me again was so disabling. I left Atlanta without seeing him and getting the opportunity to get to know him on a deeper level.

That all changed this past weekend. I got past those fears put myself out there and learned more about Lamont in just a couple hours and every new thing just kept impressing me more and more. I realize how much wasted time I spent not approaching him last November.

The qualities that jumped out at me the most were his humility, humbleness and vulnerability. Qualities I haven’t found in a lot of gay men. Vanity, self-centered, selfishness, ego, pride seem to be more common especially if you look like Lamont. He is such a nice guy and the internal side of him is actually even more beautiful than the exterior side.

Lamont restored my faith that there are great men out there, focused on more than just a cute piece of ass. He restored my faith that I can have a relationship with another guy that’s no different than what my parents have had in 39 years of marriage. He restored my faith that there are other gay men out there looking for monogamy, commitment and true love with someone who accepts them just as they are without changing them.

I also got to witness disrespectful people approaching Lamont. Even with disrespectful people he handled himself with grace and compassion. People grabbing him, people offering him money (what an insult to his character and humanness), and people wanting only one thing out of him. How sad it is if someone doesn’t take the time to truly get to know Lamont past the physical aspect of his being. He is deeper than the ocean if you take the time to truly listen to his heart.

Lamont probably without even realizing it, gave me invaluable learning this weekend into myself. He gave me the greatest gift you can give another person, his time. One of the highlights of the weekend was yesterday afternoon sitting with him at the mall, just him and I talking about life. There was one point he was talking about home and he got a little watery eyed. He was showing his vulnerability and it was so heart touching and effected me. In that moment all I wanted to do was to hug him and it didn't matter who was around.

I've invited him to Las Vegas to visit and hopefully make memories that will last a life time. I am excited about the opportunity to get more time with him. However, I am also sad today because for not knowing him long or that deep I find myself missing him, his energy and passion for life is infectious. His eyes and smile light up the world around him.

I sincerely thank Lamont for giving me the most precious gift, his time this weekend and creating for me amazing memories of my Labor Day trip to Atlanta.